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Allen and the Sons
Bart Hinkle
September 29, 2006 11:50 AM

In the wonderful little movie, “The Princess Bride,“ there is a scene in which Vizzini, brilliantly played by Wallace Shawn, goes up against the hero, dressed as the Man in Black, in a game of whose-drink-is-poisoned? Vizzini launches into a logical deduction:

“Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy’s? . . . Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I’m not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. . . “

Man in Black: “You’ve made your decision then?“

Vizzini: “Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. . . . [But] you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. . . . You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me. . . .“

The scene was summoned to the mind by the news that the Sons of Confederate Veterans are upset with Senator George Allen for saying he wished he had understood sooner that the Confederate flag is offensive to African-Americans.

Perhaps the Sons of Confederate Veterans are upset with Allen. But they must know that criticizing Allen publicly actually helps him put daylight between his now contrite self and his Confederate-embracing old self, so clearly they are criticizing Allen in order to help him. But they must also know that by keeping the Confederacy issue alive for yet another news cycle, they are playing into the hands of Democrats who want to keep it front and center, so clearly they are criticizing Allen in order to punish him.

But if their intent really is to punish him, then they really are putting more daylight between themselves and Allen, so clearly they are actually helping him instead. But if politically astute people realize this, then clearly. . . .

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