. . . being green:

The host committee for the Democratic National Convention wanted 15,000 fanny packs for volunteers. But they had to be made of organic cotton. By unionized labor. In the USA.

Official merchandiser Bob DeMasse scoured the country. His weary conclusion: “That just doesn’t exist.”

Ditto for the baseball caps. “We have a union cap or an organic cap,” Mr. DeMasse says. “But we don’t have a union-organic offering.”

Oh gee, I wasn’t going to post more than one message.  “It was the [bloggers’] fault, Lord.  They tempted me!”

I have a hemp attache case, which is finally wearing out after a dozen years.  It’s well-mad, durable, and although I suppose you could smoke it, it wouldn’t get you high.

I also have several fanny packs, though I’m not gay.  They’re really useful when your preferred attire is jeans and tee shirt.

My favorite fanny pack is (one of the three) I got on closeout from the Million Mindlessly Marching Mammas, or something like that.  One of them literally fell apart (stitched too close to the edge of the fabric), but the other two are ideal!  While a pistol in a belt holster is hard to conceal while wearing only a teeshirt, my Million Mom March fanny pack has room for the .38, and a copy of my Concealed Handgun Permit, and extra ammunition—with room left over for cigarettes and lighter!

“Is there anything more gay than a fanny pack?”

Unfortunately, yes, I think there is.  My daughter was watching “So You Think You Can Dance?” on TV last night.  I sat down on the sofa to read the D.C. v. Heller opinion and, uh, let’s just say, yeah, there are things more gay than a fanny pack out there.

Ed,

Remember, I’m a hick. I have a friend out past Central Garage who has a farm specked with lots of cool targets. Old cars, toilet bowls (at least he HAD some toilet bowls...heh)washing machines and a ravine in the woods behind the house filled with 100 years worth of apple cider bottles ect…

Not that I’m irresponsible. If I find an old dairy bottle...I set it aside for historical reasons. Because I care.

Is there anything more gay than a fanny pack?

Bill,

I have an organic holster for my .45. A leather shoulder holster.

cows are organic ain’t they? yup.

I’m weaving some on my homemade loom right now.

Have ‘em done in time for the convention.

One advantage of a hemp fanny pack is that you can smoke it after you wear it.
Democrats like free beer and smokeable wearing apparel.

Republicans like single malt whiskey, big cigars, abusing Democrats.

But seriously, who really needs a fanny pack or a ballcap ?

Aside from collectors who make a hobby out of election memorabilia, does anyone really need (more) of that crap ?

Just like plush animals. I’ll bet R. Smith has a boatload of them in the attic and uses them for target practice.

I mean, what exactly is a plush animal good for .

(Barney, just kidding)

Purple dinosaurs in particular.

You’d think they would have some bloc of the party that could make their own out of home-grown hemp. 

I’d buy an organic fanny pack if it would hold my non-organic 1911 .45 and a spare magazine.

Note that the packs don’t have to be made well or function properly, they just have to be ideologically pure.

That says a lot.

How about at least partially filling the order with green items? (Fanny packs- really?)

Democrats are far too lazy, demanding, and short-sighted.

Vote Green Party.

Eco-friendly cotton is laudable because it means less chemicals but when you stop and think about it...huh ?

I would rather spare the chemicals from something you eat and put in your body, a fruit or vegetable, rather than from something worn on top of your head like a ballcap or a bag you carry “stuff” in.

Back thousands of years ago when I was in school I read that fields of cotton moved farthur and farthur southward as cropland became depleted by the heavy nutrient needs of cotton.

But when looked up, found cotton does not eat up nutrients all that much. That means the reason early settlers abandoned their fields or let them go fallow was probably due to land being cheap, nothing to do with cotton being any worse than any other crop, or so goes the theory. Proves I was a bad student.

Cotton does use water heavily, but water is plentiful in some areas (today only).

Then found out cotton is the most pesticide dependent plant in the world, eating up 25% of all pesticide requirements all by itself. Ah, so that’s it.

Dang boll weevils.

So then I think, well, why not recycled cotton ? Remember all those bundled up t-shirts being shipped off to Kenya to irritate Kenyan economists and make us foolishly feel good about donating to Goodwill when in fact we are evil Americans intent on polluting the world with our tacky castoffs.

Well, it turns out recycled cotton is available and laudable too, but it ain’t recycled t-shirts. It’s cotton remnants and discards.

It ain’t easy bein’ green.

Well, why not caps and bags made from switchgrass ? How bout that for an idea. Ethanol caps. Not caps made from ethanol, but a little bottle of ethanol attached to every cap so you don’t give a toot whether it’s green or not after you take a few sips.

Or better, since Coors is the corporate sponsor, why not recycle all those aluminum beer cans to turn into tinfoil hats for all the participants. Lots of free beer. Democrats like free beer.

Tinfoil hats not likely to be a hit with the Democrats but certain to amuse all the conservative spectators waiting in the peanut gallery. (for something to go wrong)

Perhaps the ultimate solution is to unionize the Chinese, make them all American citizens, legalized migrants, registered Democrats, and let them make those caps after all. Our newest Democrat, Chiang Foo How, says, “Obama, Obama, Obama” bowing each time as he speaks it. Perhaps he thinks Obama is the word for “thank you” or “apology” or “go away and let me make more ballcaps”.

Meanwhile, the Republicans are busy scheming how to make ballcaps out of baby Pandas. 

That will be true progress.

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