How bad are things getting? This bad.

Human destiny is bound to remain a gamble, because at some unpredictable time and in some unforeseeable manner nature will strike back.

Engorged morality ? That’s a funny turn of phrase.

I fight the vowel shortage by eco-friendly conservation. Only use tiny words and eliminate entire sentences.

bob,

I may yet convert. At least they’re willing to fight for what they believe in. That’s more than I can say for the house pets I see begging for treats from the pigs that we elected to dismantle 500 years of western enlightenment in the name of socialist bullshit sensitivity.

The only flaw in your sarcasm is that my madrasa’s are real. Your torture chambers are hype. Believe the truth or run with the mob. It’s your choice.

You can switch lanquage . Take Welsh for instance. Lots of consants that you have to pretend are vowels. English, which is both my first and second lanquages, is a lot easier. But I am going to fight to the vowel shortage by studying Arabic at R. Smith’s madrassah. An internet rumor has started that he has seen the light ,so to speak, and has converted to Islam.

You said, “I suggest you ration your use of vowels and use only vowel friendly mouthwash and toothpaste, and by all means don’t hesitate to let others know you’re doing so. The sense of moral superiority you build will easily offset the obnoxiousness of such an attitude.”

No need for that, RSmith.  I already have a tremendously engorged sense of moral superiority. 

And did I mention my humility?  I’m more humble than anyone I know, and of course I’m quite proud of that.

Now the AOL news page has a story about how the real estate market “crisis” is causing mental anguish and even suicide among investors!

All this bobble head media doomsaying is causing me mental anguish. How come these ding dongs never write stories about the misery they’re responsible for?

Now I’m to afraid to go out for lunch lest I find myself in the midst of a crisis. (I was late for work this morning because I was stuck in a “transportation crisis” on 95 for 20 minutes).

Somebody bring me a Big Mac. I’m hungry.

(oh dear god! a hunger crisis!)

Bill,

It’s just like you to think only of your own bulging, blood money packed wallet. Would it be so hard for you to do it because it’s the RIGHT(EOUS) thing to do? Think of all the lower case vowels that might never get a chance to become upper case vowels because you clear cut their native paragraph! You make me sick! Save a vowel...SHUT UP!

ALERT!!! NEW CRISIS!!!

I just read on the AOL news page that female country singers don’t make as much as male country singers!

For the love of Earth Mother! When will we learn that this kind of cruel and sadistic treatment of other humanoids is unacceptable???

I weep for those who suffer.

Ooopps...gotta go. I need to get in some laps before the pool closes for “muslim chicks only” time.

Ummmm...the sweet taste of Utopia! Kinda smells like rotten flesh when the wind shifts though.

I’m going to drive a car with no vowels in its name - to show how much I am dedicated to lower the price of vowels.

Larry,

I see your point. Predictability is unavoidable after a while with any popular phenomenon. It’s like “Seinfeld” or “The Daily Show”...once you pick up the rythm, you can pretty much see the corn ball coming from a mile away.

And go easy on Bart. I think he may be humorly challenged. Otherwise he’d stop recycling old Doonebury strips (that were weak and predictable the first time they were run)on the op-ed page.

Then again, he may just not care. If you guys (myself included) were my audience, I wouldn’t care either. I’d concentrate on more important things...like Q tipping my belly button hole for stinky balls.

Roy,

Changing languages would have no effect. We still need vowels and BIG SYNTAX knows they can charge whatever they want. We need to “invest” billions by giving huge grants to political supporters and foundations to find new, linguistically friendly alternatives to vowels.

In the meantime, I suggest you ration your use of vowels and use only vowel friendly mouthwash and toothpaste, and by all means don’t hesitate to let others know you’re doing so. The sense of moral superiority you build will easily offset the obnoxiousness of such an attitude.

Hi guys, I think The Onion probably started-out funny, back when their wit was spontaneous. But like everything else ‘hit-single’ syndrome takes over; it all becomes very contrived (hmmmm, how can we type something funny today to please our fans?). Sorry crap like what Bart posted today results.

Yes, I really find it hard to believe that someone could’ve read that feeble attempt & slapped their knees laughing. It was totally devoid of ingenuity. Like my posts.

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