How bad are things getting? This bad.

“According to Wheel Of Fortune show runner Charlie Clark, vowel prices are not likely to come down anytime soon unless America improves its standing in the Middle East.“
 
This is a very bad and counterproductive idea!  Someone needs to return to Economics 101!
 
Remember Supply and Demand!  The only way that we’ll get lower prices for vowels—barring far-out technology like asteroid mining—is to reduce demand.
 
The easiest way to do that is to encourage people to switch from vowel-intensive languages like English, Spanish, and French to languages that use vowels much more sparingly.  Lower Slobovian and Elbonian both jump to mind, but those with far greater linguistic ability than me will have to make the decision for us ignorant ordinary citizens.  At a time of crisis like this, we certainly can’t allow the whims of individuals to influence this survival decision.
 
Ergo, it’s time to bring in the Language Police.

Different things are funny to different people. I once watched Monty Pythons “Life of Bryon” with a friend who sat thru the entire movie and didn’t laugh once while I laughed so hard I farted…which made me laugh even harder. It was a vicious cycle of laughter for me.

This is funny because it’s mocking the media’s obsession with hyper reporting every bit of bad news they can dig up and turning everything into a crisis. I would say it’s the exact opposite of a fart joke because it requires the reader to at least have an understanding of how modern media dis-functions.

Aw, c’mon, Larry - nothing is funnier than a fart!  haw haw!

The Onion can be pretty funny sometimes - but I don’t equate it with flatus.

I seriously wonder about people who read things in “The Onion” & roll on the floor laughing. Those would be the type of people who hear someone fart & laugh about it for 30 minutes, then describe the fart to their friends with the expectation that they will laugh uncontrollably too.

Not to worry. I’m sure Congress is already setting up hearings into vowel gouging.

True, we could reduce our dependency of foreign vowels if we allowed BIG SYNTAX to open up the arctic vowel mines and drill for vowels off shore but,that could lead to free enterprise and people making money which we absolutely cannot tolerate.

I say we take Maxine Waters advice and nationalize the vowel industry. Vanna will just have to get a gov’t job like everyone else and forego her next 3 sessions with the plastic surgeon.

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