You’re probably doing a better job than you think.

Most Americans do not remember when Mom stayed at home. They do not know that society lost the infrastructure of family living. It was Mom who monitored the kids at home and school. Many times the discipline, finances and leadership was from Mom. Not to belittle the roll of Dad. Better behaved kids and a better behaving society with higher personal standards and values was the result.

Now that we have enabled Moms to become lawyers, we have a kids that know next to nothing academically, look like freaks, and have few values. We have enabled society to dumb-down itself to the lowest common denominator.

Hooray for Moms.

One further old-person observation, then I will hush.

Trying to live your child’s life with them, rather than spending a common sense amount of time, thereby stressing out and subverting your own unique idenity is not healthy, balanced,satisfying, or a good example to your child of how a life should be lived. It is harming you both.

Correct me if I’m wrong…but I believe its the beer-guzzling, slacker DADS who should’ve had a guilt complex.

Ps. Posting a picture of Barabra Billingsley in an apron is sexist and everything else-ist. Cancel my subscription to the Times-Dispatch.

I am not entirely at ease with todays parenting philosophy.

I understand that the world I grew up in no longer exists and things are far more difficult. Also, back then, housework consumed more time because everything had to be done the hard way. We were left on our own a great deal of the time to fill our hours with imagination and inventivness ourselves, and without expensive toys. It helped us to develop independence and self-reliance. Is it really necessary to fill a child’s every waking hour with smothering attention and structured activities that reflect Mom’s vision of what should interest them?

I can not help but pity todays children who will never know the joy of wandering the woods all day, catching crawdad’s in the creek, building a playhouse out of sticks and bent over tree limbs and finding adventure in picking wild musadines, presimmons, huckleberries and plums. It felt great to present Mama with this bounty for pies! Never will they know real carefree freedom. We did not expect to be entertained by our parents. It was enough to know they would always be there if we did need them. On the other hand, they did not have to worry over-much about our saftey unless we were not home by dusk.

As an experiment while babysitting a grand child who was exasperating me with the,“I’m bored, Nanny” wails when there were no cartoons to their liking on to watch and they thought there was nothing to do outside,(incredible!), I gave them an old oatmeal box, an empty cardboard box,an empty toliet paper and paper towel roll, some old buttons and twine. Then I went about my work and watched to see what they would do with this treasure.  It kept them occupied until their mother picked them up. Whew! I’m not critizing modern parents. I’m especially pleased that men no longer feel that child care is outside their provence. But I’m not happy with the parents trying so hard to orchestrate every moment of thier childhood for them to the point that they are totally lost as to what to do with themselves unless someone arranges it.

Thanks, Bart, for flagging that article.  My son is only 10 months old, but I already suffer from mommy guilt.  Even though I generally choose time with him over housework (which is an easy decision—who likes housework anyway?!), and I changed my work hours to be able to spend time with him in the afternoons, I still wonder if it’s enough.  (Props to my extraordinary husband who also changed his work schedule AND willingly takes on chores himself – I cannot imagine how single parents survive!) 

I’d like to expand on this paragraph from the article:  “But the world that families live in has changed, too. There has been an explosion of lessons and athletic teams for children as young as 3 years old. There are also more concerns about safety and crime, which affect how close parents stay to their children.” 

I think the change in perception in the last forty years towards the current trend of intensive parenting is more tied to the changes in society – the expansion of our culture, the changing values, the new dangers – than guilt.  In general, our society was more homogenous in the 50’s and you knew the community members raising your kids.  Nowadays, there is a greater spectrum of beliefs, morals and values; schools tend to teach dry knowledge rather than social norms.  When you send your kid off to school, Girl Scouts, the YMCA, etc., you know that your child will be exposed to a greater diversity than you ever were.  On the one hand, that’s good, but on the other, it’s scary,  since you cannot possibly agree with all people and you might worry your child is learning things you don’t want him/her to.
Society is different today.  You cannot assume that your child is being brought up the way you desire, unless you are very involved.

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